Looking at addiction from a systemic point of view.
Please remember the following the three C’s you did not Cause your partner, child or family member’s addiction, You cannot Control them or their addiction/behaviour and you cannot Cure it.
I am wondering how many of you are reading this blog has the following goal in mind, to fix someone, please remember the message of this blog is to help you to start your own recovery from the effects of addiction.
Addiction is a family disease, it is genetic 50% is due to our genes and 50% due to the environment, nature vs nurture. The genetics load the gun and the environment pulls the trigger.
It is vitally important that supporters and parents of addicts or recovering addicts start with recovery of their own. This will involve attending support groups, starting their own twelve step programme and going for counselling. The twelve steps involves the following.
1. “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps, we tried to carry the message across.
The families of most recovering addicts or addicts struggle with their own behaviours one of the behaviours being co-dependent on the recovering addict or addict in their lives, this can hamper a recovering addicts recovery to such an extent that when the recovering addict comes out of rehab or finishes their outpatient programme the family dynamic can undo the whole recovery process that was put into place in treatment, many parents and spouses think that when they send their loved ones into rehab, that they will come out of rehab recovered, that life can go on as normal. This is very far from the truth. The first day the addict goes into treatment or starts their outpatient programme this is when a supporter needs to start their own road of recovery. This does not mean that when your loved one relapses that you will be to blame (addiction is a no blame disease), however, you will play a role in their relapse if you do not start your own recovery journey as a supporter. As stated in an article by Healing Wings: The change we seek is not simple. It involves a complex process of unlearning and re-framing. We must practice new responses when old stressors arise. Unresolved pain must be addressed. The false beliefs that activate lie-based thinking, busted.
Don’t hesitate to get in touch with me for an online counselling session, should you need support as a supporter, partner or family member of a recovering addict/addict.
I also host workshops for supporters, partners, family members of addicts and recovering addicts.
Contact Me & Book your online session!